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Life After Alex: the Owen Saga as a Commoner – Part 3: Tight Shorts & Bacon

July 7, 2011


Owen: hope at the end of an endless tragic ballad...

I had insane amounts of pizza and whiskey the previous night.

The bacon and booze weren’t mixing well with my insides.

It seemed like a good idea at the time…

But the next morning was nothing short of painful.

Utter, gut-wrenching pain. I lay in bed for hours, curled into a ball. My frowning bangs covering my eyes…

I had forgotten how truly painful the idea of a “fun night” for common people was.

I’m not used to this. Not at all.

Christ, I’m a Champions League winner. I’m a World Cup player, for England, the three Goddamn Lions!…

Or, at least, I was.

What I am now is unemployed. Really.

A bum. A hobo. A tramp…whatever kids these days call us folk that sleep in every day.

I needed to make a change.

I dragged my arse out of bed, and onto my office chair. Maybe a few hours of browsing online through the news and events of the day will cheer me up.

Naturally, I wanted to see what the lads were up to at the Theatre of Dreams.

What, O’Shea is thinking of leaving? What the…oh well. I guess everyone moves on.

Even if it’s to Sunderland.

It’s almost August, I thought. The boys must be working hard towards pre-season preparations…

Ah, good old days. End of summer, hopeful dreams into a new year…

To prepare, to play and to conquer. What a life.

What am I doing, eating bacon and sulking in bed everyday?! I thought with my curls.

It was time for a change.

But not before I watched a few of my old reel-highlights on YouTube.

It’s a morning tradition. I do it everyday. It cheers me up, looking at the goals I scored, my knees intact…the athlete that I…was.

Man, that was quite a Champions League match! Look at that! I looked good!

And, suddenly, it came to me…

The shiny, gorgeous and yet minimalistic logo of YouTube became a beacon of hope!

It all came to me, rapidly, hitting me like a thunderbolt, accessing the little reservoir of adrenaline left within my weary shell of a body…

A YouTube video series! Featuring me! My comeback! My conquest! My…return home!

Home is where your heart is.

It’s not England, Germany or Canada, I realize now.

It’s the football pitch.

It’s the screaming of the fans, it’s the smell of the grass, it’s the screeching sound of my boots on the ground…

I belong in a club. I belong in a squad.

I’m here to show you what I’ve got. I am made of sterner stuff than steel.

I’ll prove it to you. I will put on my shorts and quit my bacon.

I’ll work day and night to prove I can make it.

All I want to do is to play for you.

I need a team.

Will you hire me?

Hire me.



Click here for the Second part of my Owen Saga

Click here for the First part of my Owen Saga

Click here for the Prologue of my Owen Saga


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