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English Fans Should Shut Up!

October 20, 2010

Rooney: "I'M NOT GOING FAR, DAMMIT! Calm down"

English football fans don’t know how good they have it!

They should shut their bloody mouths.

As a snobbish Brazilian, it pains me to say that, yes, fine, England has indeed produced some very good, world class footballers.

Who doesn’t love a Beckham bend?! A precise Gerrard pass?! A powerful and millimetric Lampard kick?!

It’s all good stuff, really.

But let’s get to the hot-topic of the week – it involves another  fine English footballer: Wayne Rooney.

Basically, he’s big news because he ain’t so fine these days. He’s wasn’t playing consistently; Alex Ferguson said he had an injury; the injury was “kind of” denied by other parties; Rooney was quiet; Ferguson was quiet; some more rumors popped up here and there; Rooney still off the pitch; then player and manager had a fall out – it seems; then Rooney said he wants out; and Ferguson finally said “yea, he’s getting out”…so he’s leaving Manchester United, after six years of (mostly) glory.

But this is the bit I have a problem with: Man United fans went apeshit!

“What? he can’t leave! He’s ours!”

And then, they immediately did that very English-fan thing of looking for the ones to be blamed for the “tragedy”: “It’s the Glazers because they suck”; “it’s Fergie because the team sucks this year”; “it’s Rooney, because he truly sucks”…bla bla.

Oh, please, shut up!

It’s just football. Only in England, fans expect that the players be 100% “loyal” to a team, under any circumstance. Everton folks still give Rooney heck every time he visits Liverpool, calling him “traitor”, “Judas” and whatnot.

Why? Where does this “talisman-player” obsession come from? What’s with the total “ownership”? Is it all connected to that post-Imperial nostalgia bollocks? Why must certain players belong to a team?

Total and complete loyalty to a club is absurd. It is contrary to the current order of a globalized economy founded upon constant trading. It’s unfair and petty to expect that players remain at a club, through thick and thin, simply because that’s where they had the best of times with managers and the fans.

Successful footballers today are smart businessmen. And businessmen go where there’s business. Rooney doesn’t see anything personally profitable for him at Man United anymore.

It’s not you, dear fans. It’s him. Shhhh, there there…

Look at it from my perspective; as a Brazilian, I actually expect my favourite players to move on. Brazilians are completely used to letting go. They can handle seeing Ronaldo leave Cruzeiro after scoring 57 goals in 59 matches. They can handle seeing Ronaldinho pack up and leave for France after an amazing season at Gremio. As a Sao Paulo FC fan, I have just let go of the brilliant Hernanes, who has been absolutely dazzling at Lazio this year. He is the man responsible for the club’s current first position in the table.

I had to let them all go. And soon I will have to let Paulo Ganso and Neymar go too.

And it’s ok. It’s part of the process. We understand that, if a player wants to be taken seriously, he needs to play in Europe. We understand that leaving will actually help and improve the quality of the players and of our national team.

And here’s the best part: more players will rise; more stars will be unveiled.

Rooney is one hell of a powerful player. When in top form, he is formidable. Deadly. A complete beast, and yet surprisingly graceful for an Englishman. Hell, he can pass too. He can even work as a playmaker, redefining the position by adding a brutish elegance that is both effective and pleasantly scary.

But it’s not working out for him at Manchester United. That’s the bottom line. And who gives a damn, honestly, if it was because of his ankle, or Fergie’s stubborness, or Rooney’s extramarital affairs?! Who cares?! Can we all agree that all we want is for him to get back in shape, and score more goals?

Can we all get behind that, as fans of the sport? It’s all we all want, right?!

Well, then, just let him go. Let him move on, in peace. Don’t crucify the man, don’t yell, don’t hang up banners calling him or anybody else “traitors”; just adopt an un-Englishy sense of calm and grace for once, and let the man go, quietly.

Morever, he will probably stay in England! What more do you guys want? The man will be just around the corner. You can still see him play live in your time zone!!!

When Brazilians lose their players – and we do lose a lot of them – they end up across the ocean. In a galaxy far, far away. Sometimes as far as Cyprus, Russia and Japan…gone.

But you, oh mighty English, will have him right there nearby! We all know that English players aren’t fond of crossing the channel to play continental football. They stay home. Aside from Beckham, what other Englishman has played abroad recently?

So, once again, quit your whining. It’s ok. It’s all good, there there. Rooney said he wants to win, and that’s why he’s leaving. Don’t take that as an insult. Manchester United are natural winners. To be victorious is embedded in the fabric of their cosmos (God, I think I’ve had too much coffee), and the Red Devils will lift more trophies very soon. But Rooney can’t win. At this point, he’s useless to you. Let him go.

Don’t worry, he is only 24–


And you still want to hold on to him, for TEN more years at least??

Oh, don’t be selfish. Learn to share.

If he is that good, let him go to my team-crush Manchester City.

C’mon, it’s all I ask.


4 Comments leave one →
  1. Peteca permalink
    October 20, 2010 8:55 pm

    Once again, you completely miss the point.

  2. October 20, 2010 9:01 pm

    “once again”; as if I’m like, a cook talking about wrestling. Please. Calm down. Besides, I was saying nice things about your team! 😉

  3. Kendra permalink
    October 20, 2010 9:23 pm

    haha i was going to ask you about this last night, but knew it would induce a rant 😛

    I feel the same way! let him go! it clearly isn’t working out, so let him figure that out. If he’s anything like others who left United in a similar fashion, fans will soon see that they got the best years and put him “out to pasture” right at the appropriate time. Look at Becks, vanNistelrooy…etc.

    though J is glad he didn’t name our dog Rooney 😛

    • October 20, 2010 9:35 pm

      Haha, indeed. I mean, there is all the politics backstage, with owners and whatnot. But bottom line is, Rooney is sucking and not playing at all this season. He sucked at the world cup, and maybe a move wouldn’t be so bad. Who cares what, effectively, ‘forced’ the move?! 🙂

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